They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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