Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
