It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
