a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
