Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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