I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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