bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
