If i come over, it means nothing
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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