I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
