I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
