Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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