Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
