im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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