As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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