she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
