Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
