i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
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the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
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I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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