It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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