Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
