I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you had me at cake vodka
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
