How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
