if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
