So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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