I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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