dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
