why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Randomize