I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
