How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
