Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
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You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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