4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize