Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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