Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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