hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
