Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
