I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
