god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
