Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
