The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
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I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
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We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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