If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize