Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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