Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
