I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
