I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
