It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
