Yo dont text me then not text me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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