I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
