we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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