After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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