I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's never too late to be topless.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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