So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
