You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
