sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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