Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
