Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
