the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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