I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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