New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
