the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
