What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
