she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
