it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize