some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
