I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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