After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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