My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i now understand why vodka
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
