Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It's Friday. Sex?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
