apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
