break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
