So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
