So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
