saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
