Someone shit on the floor
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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